I recommend removing the word “small”
No one is suggesting it is a big reward so don’t worry. It is simply a reward.
Below the banner, the details section on my screen is below the “fold” so to speak.
I didn’t even realize there was anything at the bottom of the screen until I scrolled down one day and found it by accident.
Anything important needs to be on the top 1/2 of the browser window within the first 768 pixels in height. Anything less important can be below the “fold” or at the bottom, requiring someone to scroll down to see it.
Think of tablets, older laptops, and cell phones. Most of them won’t scroll endlessly to see that type of info.
Information loses it’s value the further down the page where it is located.[/quote]
I said that because while it may be something important to feature, it would require some explaining in order for newbies to understand and as you’ve said, we don’t want the top half of the page to be bogged down with complicated explanations.
Now if the short description is going to be a pure sales pitch to non-technical people, then we shouldn’t include any technical terms that will make people’s eyes glaze over. It needs to be very simple to understand and it should only include words in it that don’t require a dictionary. This means proof-of-work, proof-of-stake and coin age need to be removed from the opening paragraph. We can save those words for the details and features section farther down the page. I tried again, this time trying to merge Sunny and ppcman’s paragraph while removing non-technical terms and loading in as many positives as possible…
This one hits a bunch of benefits in row, technological advancements, energy efficiency, higher security, decentralization, lower inflation, greener and rewards for holding coins. What do you think?
Peercoin offers technological advancements over Bitcoin that allow the network to consume [s]far[/s] less energy and achieve a higher degree of security and decentralization, [s]all while[/s] at the same time maintaining a very low inflation rate. [s]This makes it[/s] Not only is Peercoin's design "greener" than the alternatives, it is set up to reward you for just [s]having[/s] owning the coins, even if you aren't a "miner".
I tried to reword the last line so that it didn’t sound like you shouldn’t spend your coins, and to appeal to all of the people who feel like they missed the boat with BTC.
[quote=“Ben, post:24, topic:732”]
Peercoin offers technological advancements over Bitcoin that allow the network to consume far less energy and achieve a higher degree of security and decentralization, all while at the same time maintaining a very low inflation rate. This makes it Not only is Peercoin’s design “greener” than the alternatives, it is set up to reward you for just having owning the coins, even if you aren’t a “miner”.
I tried to reword the last line so that it didn’t sound like you shouldn’t spend your coins, and to appeal to all of the people who feel like they missed the boat with BTC.[/quote]
I like all those changes except removing far and replacing all while. Is far not an accurate description of the amount of energy saved compared with Bitcoin? It might not be a huge difference right now, but in the future it will be. Also, I think all while is a smoother transition than at the same time. What were your thoughts on this? The second sentence sounds much better, so great job on that. I had some trouble with that one.
If the network energy graphs that I’ve seen are accurate (~1000% more efficient), I would keep “far”. I wasn’t sure if that was solid yet, or if it was still speculation.
I’m ambivalent between “all while” and “at the same time” – I wasn’t sure how “all while” sounded to someone who’s primary language isn’t English, where “at the same time”, at least to me, was conceptually more clear. On the other hand, “all while” does run off the tongue easier.
For the second sentence, I keep going back and forth on the “‘greener’” usage. I like it, but I also like the air-quotes around miner, and I don’t necessarily want to dilute the impact there. What about
Not only is Peercoin's design healthier for the planet than the alternatives, it is set up to reward you for just owning coins, even if you aren't a "miner."
I think it sounds much better the way you had it. The two quotations marks are spaced out enough so as not to dilute the impact that much. Plus green is a more mainstream way of putting it.
About energy consumption, I think Alertness was dealing with that. Maybe we could try confirming it with him.
And about the language barrier with all while, I’m not sure if it’s an issue or not, but in the future we should hopefully have multiple language versions of the website, so this shouldn’t be an issue. I think we should keep all while. This is my favorite version…
You’ve got my vote.
How do others feel about it?
I like it except for the “all while”
You could simply say “while” (the “all” isn’t necessary, I stumble over it every time I read it).
I’m not sure about that. Without the all, at least to me the last part of the sentence sounds tacked on. You don’t think so? Maybe it’s just me.
I knew something didn’t look right to me, it should be “all the while”, instead of “all while”.
I think that does sound better…
One final wordsmith-y tweak, unless I’m the only one who thinks this might need work. For the intended audience of this summary, will “decentralization” mean anything? I’m assuming you are using that to mean that Peercoin is less vulnerable to external influence (such as regulatory efforts by nations), or, were you using it to cover things like a 51% attack?
If it’s the former, don’t we share a similar model to Bitcoin? Perhaps in the future this won’t be the case, say, if CoinValidation is included in the BTC codebase, but until that happens, they are pretty decentralized, right?
I guess it could be interpreted in different ways, but what I meant by adding that is that as time goes on, Bitcoin will become more and more centralized, making it less secure. Because of proof-of-stake, Peercoin has a higher degree of security and it has a better chance of staying decentralized. Check my response to the other thread you just made here…
Ok, I sent this last version to Super3 to put up on the website.
Here is what I recommend:
Leave off the part about inflation. That is too technical and the description is not the place to talk about it. Too many people have wrong or misunderstandings about that word. I made several changes, but i think is is better, more simple, yet still clearly gets the point across. at the very least will make people interested enough to learn more about how it works. From there they can learn about inflation and the technical/inner-workings of the coin design. Here is my vote…
“Peercoin offers technological advancements over Bitcoin that allow the network to consume far less energy and achieve a higher degree of security and decentralization. Not only is Peercoin’s energy efficient design “greener” than the alternatives, it is set up to reward you just for owning the coins. In this way, even if you are not a “miner” your coin stash will be able to grow.”
It keeps getting better.
Long-term, these are things we would A/B test (one version served with “inflation” in it, another without, and we see which has a better response), but I think, for the time being that it reads well.
That’s a definite improvement. I’m switching out the one I sent to Super3 with this one.
A key problem with altcoins is that they fail to present a solid case for their innovation (as most don’t have much), and as a result look flakey. People looking at altcoins consider themselves sophisticated investors who don’t need to be sold to and want to learn something about the value of th currency. Peercoin should focus on presenting itself as the seriously innovative coin, with a clear vision for its place in the future cryptocurrency landscape. I’m only learning, but something like:
“Peercoin offers technological advances over Bitcoin that allow its network to consume far less energy and achieve a higher degree of security and decentralization. This is achieved through an innovative minting algorithm that ultimately places money production in the hands of currency holders. Peercoin is designed to have long-term stability that will enable it to fulfill a crucial backbone role in the future cryptocurrency landscape.”
Peercoin is designed to have long-term stability that will enable it to fulfill a crucial backbone role in the future cryptocurrency landscape.
This makes the initial statement a bit longer, but after you presented it, I do agree that it’s a useful piece of information to include up front. I’ll think about the wording.