New version below
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Some thoughts:
You need an opening paragraph summarising the problem under discussion and saying that Peercoin is the solution. Also, get Peercoin into the title, such as adding “and Peercoin’s Solution”.
Specific points:
Para 1
Delete “1920s”
“produce goods” - change to “produce equipment”
“output” - change to “production”
Remove “following the war”
I would add “US” before President
typo - encourage should be encouraged
“further growth of prosperity and production” - remove “growth of”
“faith” - change to “confidence”
Not sure that the final sentence is necessary, it clouds as much as clarifies
Para 2
Add “this day” before "would be known as “Black Friday”
“ground to a standstill” - perhaps “stood at a standstill”
“pivot point” - remove “point”
“nearly twenty years previous” - change to “in the post-war period”
“However, from 1928 to 1931” - change to “From 1928 to 1931, however,”
Remove “with the US dollar”
“supplies but no demand” - change supplies to “supply”
“continued to crash” - reduce to just “crashed”
“took a permanent hold” - reduce to “took hold”
Para 3
“without more air coming in” - not correct! - change to “with air escaping” or “seeping out”, etc.
“will begin to lose pressure” - reduce to “will lose pressure”
Para 4
“(increases in aggregate supply)” - remove this
“existent demand and diminishing profit” - insert comma after “demand”
“Deflationary shifts work” - change to “Deflation can be beneficial”
“Price decreases leading up to the crash” - I would insert at the beginning of this sentence “In the case of 1929” (as you are switching back from general theory to the specific example)
“aggregate demand” suggest removing “aggregate” (the word may be technically correct, but it is adding an extra layer of meaning which is unnecessary)
“The Federal Reserve attempts” - add “Today” or “Since the Great Depression” at the beginning
“(Controlled supply)” - remove this
“New Bitcoins are created each time that” - remove “that”
“what is called Golden Inflation” - remove “what is”
“Bitcoin makes long term” - add “its” after “makes”
“and does not account for intentional destruction of supply as well” - change to “as well as intentional destruction of supply” (might be useful to add “such as” and give an example)
Para after the first diagram
“that Bitcoin is unable to solve with its hard limit.” - change to “with” to “due to”
“This means that as hash rate increases in the Peercoin network” - add comma after “that”
“all being determined by active participants” - suggest removing “all”
“was sensible” - change was to “is”, and “sensible” to something like “forward-thinking”
Para after second diagram
Remove YTD if not strictly necessary
“balanced accordingly” - “balanced smoothly”
“static ruling such as the” - can be removed
Final para
“scarcity, however” - change comma to semi-colon
“simply cannot” - remove “simply”
I don’t feel you need some of the sources in the text itself, particularly:
(Daughty, 2011)
(Great Depression History)
(Breselor, 2010)
(Inflation Calculator)
(Peercoin Inflation)
(Bitcoin. com)
But I would be inclined to keep (CryptoCoinMastery, 2017).
A complex topic simply discussed - well done
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Will be making adjustments accordingly. Thank you for the feedback. It is greatly appreciated!
Posted to Medium
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Excellent article! This clearly helps explain how Peercoin’s economics sets it up to actually be used rather than held.
Only thing, I felt the following sentence was awkwardly written. I tried making it sound better.
During the war, factory production had increased massively to produce equipment for the military. Following the war, these factories turned from the production of military to consumer goods, leading to an abundance.
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Will be posting this on Friday I think. Made the suggested change as I liked it better as well.
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Medium link:
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Nice picture of Gordon Gekko.
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